Great Loves: #1

If I ever see him again, I will probably burst into tears. I will sob and point an accusatory finger at him and through my deep weeping breaths say “You did this to me! It is all your fault!”

Once I collect myself, I will look into his speckled green eyes and ask him how he is. He will tell me he has a girlfriend and I will get jealous. Like every other great love I’ve lost, he will say ” You did it first. You got married.” He will ask me “What happened?” and I will know he’s speaking of the scandal. We will talk and laugh and we will feel that feeling that only comes with your first love.

I want to tell him how much he hurt me. How he didn’t only break my heart, he broke me. He held the key to my jail cell and allowed me to be free. The freedom we shared was bad. I want him to know that every time he fucked me, he fucked me up. Every line he cut left a permanent mark.

I want to ask why he used me at the end? I want to know if the “good girl” was better than me. I’ll say “She’s married now, you know, and she still carries a foolish grudge against me. She knows you loved me in a way she could never be loved.”

I’ll tell him that when he left, when he ran away, I was nothing. I filled that gaping hole with drugs and sex and self destruction.

I am still self destructive and I blame you.

Oh my God, I loved you so much.

I love you so much.

I want to see him and I don’t. What he is now is a mystery. No social media to stalk. He’s a ghost. A ghost from my past who scares me.

I like it when he scares me.

I think I scare him too and for as long as we live, he will never want to see me again. Because there will be fire and pain and the love you can only feel with your first love.

Parenting Trends That Must Die

Due to social media being the new “keeping up with the Jonses”, I’ve noticed a few new parenting tends that annoy the shit out of me. I will NOT keep up with you Jonses no matter how many happy photographs you post on Facebook and Instagram. I’ll raise my child as I want to and will partake in events that I want to–not because everybody else is doing them.

Annoying Parenting Trend #1: posting Photos with Signs for Everything!
It’s my first day of school! (Forced 6 year old smoke holding a sign stating “it’s my first day of school.” Hey! It’s everybody’s first day of school. I think the parents should be holding up signs which scream “Thank You, Holy Jesus! It’s their first day of school!!”

Annoying Parent Trend #2: Pumpkin/Apple Picking

When in the hell did everybody become so obsessed with apples and pumpkins? “We’re going Pumpkin picking, Kids! Here, no, wait, here, no, here, yes here is a great little patch of pumpkins for you to sit in. Now smile. I know it’s hot and crowded. Smile! I have to get a good one!” Ten million pumpkin picking photos on my newsfeed and Instagram. You know where I went pumpkin picking as a kid? The supermarket. And the apples… Oh the apples. What on Earth are you going to do with all those damn apples? But who cares? Right? It’s a great photo op. You know what my fall tradition has been with my daughter since she could walk? A trip to Greenwood Cemetery on Columbus Day. That’s what I think is fun. Walking among the 200 year old graves, sitting quietly by the fountain. Yes, I’ve taken photos, but I never posted them. It might offend people. “She should be bringing her daughter to a pumpkin patch or a nice orchard, not some creepy ol’ cemetery.” Do you know I once saw a photo of a friend’s child crying in a pumpkin farm because the only pumpkins left were rotted? It was a pumpkin cemetery. But, she got the pic!

Annoying Parenting Trend # 3: Lessons, lessons, lessons…

I am not against extra curricular activities. I’m not against sports or chess or ballet or any of that. What I can’t deal with is the excessive lessons. “On Monday Mindy has gymnastics, Tuesdays are fantasy dance, Wednesdays are soccer and on Saturday morning we bring her to the new indoor ice skating rink.” I’m exhausted just thinking about all if that physical activity. How about one lesson at a time? See what your kid likes? My daughter wants to ice skate. I’ll bring her for two trial lessons before I commit to the cost of skates, pads, and the tuition. Whatever happened to just bringing your kid to the zoo? Letting the kid run around on a playground or in a nice grassy field?

Annoying Parenting Trend #4: The Photo Christmas Card

This tradition has been around for so long, I don’t think it’s a trend anymore. It’s the norm. It’s not that I don’t like seeing photos of your kids during the holidays, but with the explosion of social media since the photo holiday card began, I see your kid every. single. day. Now I have to make them an addition to my holiday decor? Do you know how guilty it makes me feel to toss photos of your precious children into the garbage can every January? I save the cards from my nieces and nephews, but if I haven’t spoken to you face to face in more than a year, your kids are getting tossed. How about a nice Hallmark greeting instead? I still send Hallmark greetings because you’re just as sick of seeing photos of my kid as I am of yours.

I’m a good mom with a smart, well-adjusted kid despite the fact that she’s lived with my cancer and her parent’s acrimonious divorce for the past three years. She gets birthday parties, she has play dates, she loves My Little Pony and gets good grades. I will raise her the way I want to raise her and will not put her every movement on virtual display, nor will I judge you for participating in these annoying trends, as long it’s because you feel they are best for your child and not because everybody else is doing it– I should too!!

Annoying parent trends must die. They’re turning our kids into little cookie cutters for the sake of a Facebook or Instagram post. And it pisses me off.

Do any other parents/non-parents feel this way? Do you disagree with me? Are there any other parent trends I might have forgotten? Speak to me!!

Most Enviable Closets In Pinterestt

Suzy Queue:

Gorgeous photos of gorgeous closets by Fernanda B.

Originally posted on Fernanda's Choice:

They are incredibly decorated, organized and designed… The dream of all Girls… At least the Fashionable ones :)

They display all kind of designer shoes and clothes… While some of us still don’t have something like this, There is no harm to look at it <3

I preset you with the most wonderful walk-in closets.

The Museum like closet :O

See through drawers <3

White decor

…More shoes…

All Black :D

Some Hats!!

Chanel Bags <3


Racks Paradise <3 <3 <3

Soon!! I’ll have my walk-in Paradise <3



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HUGE Giveaway this Friday!

Suzy Queue:

Love this!!

Originally posted on Fernanda's Choice:

two words. white hot  || The 9 Best Outfits We've Seen In A LONG Time via @WhoWhatWear

Hi my beautiful bloggers out there!

To be honest when I started blogging I did it because I have been wanting to write, encourage women all over the world and make them feel you are special and beautiful in your own way.. I have been having so much love that I need to thank all of you for that. So Today I am celebrating my 100th post, reaching the most amount of views since I started blogging and also the fact that I have received the best response from you.

I am doing a Fashion Giveaway for this Friday 29th.

I will be  selecting one of my followers and the only thing you have to do is reblog this post and follow me.

To the winner:

I will be sending the winner an outfit, makeup goodies, accessories and a special mention on my blog so all my followers can…

View original 42 more words

Gratitude: Day 3

I’ve had a terrible week, but I refuse to give up on my gratitude challenge!

My Doctors
I’m so grateful for my wonderful, attentive, excellent doctors. For those of you who do not know how I was diagnosed with CLL, it was my Ob/Gyn who found it. I went in for my yearly check up in January 2013 weighing 90 pounds. He asked if I was anorexic. When I exclaimed “No!” He asked to run some tests. Two days later I received a call from him telling me I had to see a hematologist–like yesterday. My white blood cell count was off the charts. One week later, I was tentatively diagnosed with leukemia by the best hematologist/oncologist in the world. He has not only become my doctor, but strangely, a father figure. He knows my rebellious nature and “warns” me about what I can and can not do at every visit. He also makes me laugh and calls me “Hollywood” because I showed up to every chemo session with my full face on–even lashes! I love them both and thank God for them.

My Education
I am grateful for my education. There are too many places on this Earth where women aren’t even allowed to learn how to read. If they do, they get beaten or killed. There are children in other countries who have one wish–to go to school. Writing this makes me a little teary. We. Are. So. Lucky.

My Apartment
I am grateful for my rent stabilized apartment in Park Slope. As the middle class gets pushed out of NYC due to the gross rent costs, I am grateful to have secured a home in an excellent neighborhood for me and my daughter–and I ain’t leavin’–no matter how much money my new landlord offers to buy us out. It’s no palace, but it’s home and there is an Uncle Louie G’s right on my corner! (For those who are wondering who Uncle Louie is it’s a nice cream shop. I’m a regular…)

Being Grateful: Day 2

Thanks again to Gus Gus for challenging me to do this…

Good Sheets
I am grateful for good sheets! Since I spend so much time in bed (sleeping! Get your minds out if the gutter!!) I have learned the nuisances among sheeting. There is nothing like slipping into a very high thread count, 100% cotton neatly made bed when you have a 101 fever. Or anytime, for that matter!

My teeth

I am truly grateful that God blessed me with a beautiful and healthy set of teeth. I’ve never been afraid of the dentist because as my late, great dentist once told me “if everybody had teeth like you, I’d go out of business.” They’re as straight and white as a picket fence, I’ve never had braces nor a cavity. I’m grateful that I don’t know the agony of a root canal, crowns or drilling. I’ve had a bit of help in the whitening department with a “zoom” procedure ten years ago and crest white strips here and there, but I’m grateful I don’t really need them. I love to laugh and smile and having a good set of teeth makes it even better.

Great Books
I have a few incredible stories of my own, but I love to read stories written by other people. The only thing I miss about teaching English is being forced to read great books–and not just read them– delve into them, analyze them, make “friends” with the characters and find ways to relate my own life to theirs. I am also starting to love, I suppose you could call it Sci-Fi, but I’m not sure, Zombie stories!! They’re creepy and crazy and I find them a bit funny. I thank those who introduced me to the world of Zombies.

I am fully prepared.

This is my day 2. Thanks again to Gus Gus for challenging me to do this, and if what I’m grateful for seems a bit useless or small–remember–I’m working my way up to the bigger stuff!

I Am Grateful… Day 1

My good friend Gus Gus challenged me to write about three things I am grateful for every day for an entire week. I accepted her challenge and this is Day 1. I’m starting out small and getting bigger and bigger each day…

Positive Thoughts: Day 1


I feel lucky and grateful to have been born and bred in Brooklyn, NY. Being a “Brooklyn Girl” is a part of my entire being. I wouldn’t be “me” had I grown up or moved somewhere else. It has given me a certain toughness, a great accent and the amazing opportunity to have grown up with and continue to meet people from all walks of life–the rich and the poor, the evil and the kind, a million different ethnicities (sometimes rolled up into one person!), the best pizza in the world–and I’ve been to Italy!, the memories of summer days on Jane ‘s stoop with my motley crew of friends, excellent schools and the honor to say with pride “I’m from Brooklyn. Born and Bred.”

DJ & The N.Y. Yankees

Derek Jeter (and the NY Yankees) OK, besides my obvious crush on him, Derek exemplifies hard work, dignity, honesty and athleticism. He’s quiet and reserved. He’s a bit too serious, in my opinion, but there is NOTHING like watching Mr. Jeter step up to the plate, put his arm straight up to balance his stance and hit one of his signature 1st base balls–setting up his team to go for the big hits. A slugger he’s not, but as a captain, I mean how could you not have tremendous

respect for him? I’m going to miss him.

My Kitchen Window

Yes, I am grateful for a window. I live in an old railroad apartment and I only have three windows, but my kitchen window is my favorite. It’s almost six feet tall, leads out to my fire escape, where every summer I plant a little garden. I have beautiful memories of holding my little baby in my arms and staring at the fat snowflakes falling from the cold January sky. I stare at the beautiful cherry blossom tree every April, waiting for it to POP, in the summer, I use it to “test” the weather, plant my garden, and hang out with a friend or two. The Fall brings a gorgeous portrait of colorful leaves on the trees that grow in my neighbors’ yards and as a bit of a voyeur, I watch with happiness other families planting gardens, having barbecues, birthday parties, and just relaxing in their own yards or on their own fire escapes. It also has a great view of the Barclay’s Center and 1 Hanson place. Yes, I’m grateful for my kitchen window.

That’s all for today, friends. Thanks for reading and thanks to Gus Gus for inspiring me to take on this challenge.

Sean Smithson


I “met” Sean shortly after starting this blog just over a year ago. He was one of my first followers and we hit it off immediately. When I made a post regarding my confusion setting up my WordPress page, Sean … Continue reading

I went Ombre!

I have a signature hairstyle. Straight, Dark brown, a few scattered highlights and bangs. I love it. People know me by my hair style, but today I did something crazy– I went Ombre! I’m still getting used to it, but I think I like it. Check out my before and after photos and tell me what you think! Of course, with a new and much lighter hair color, I must change my usual bright pink lipstick, but that’s cool. It’s not like I don’t have a million to choose from in my beauty box anyway!




My hair was in  need of a cut, my bangs weren't quite "done", but you get the idea.

My hair was in need of a cut, my bangs weren’t quite “done”, but you get the idea.


I went Ombre! I feel like it's a little too blonde, but I'll get used to it. I figure it's just a hair color, not a bad boob job!

I went Ombre! I feel like it’s a little too blonde, but I’ll get used to it. I figure it’s just a hair color, not a bad boob job!


Do you feel like you need a hair style change? Have you ever gone and done something completely different with your hair? Tell me! I want to know!


Love & Eyeliner,

Suzy Queue




My First Post on Love & Eyeliner! Read, Click Link, Follow!!!

I posted a while back that I was going to start a beauty blog. It’s been difficult trying to learn how to manage two blogs under the same account, but, I think I may have gotten the hang of it.

Love & Eyeliner eventually will stand on its own, but since I have way more followers on My Enchanted Life, I figured i would advertise my first post here. Please visit and follow me! Even if you hate makeup! (Sean, I’m talking to you!)

Here’s a copy of my first post, sans photos, because I don’t think I can copy and paste those…

Thank You ALL!!


Black Eyeliner

I’m addicted to black eyeliner. I think it stems from watching my Mom standing in front of her vanity with her Mary Kay cake liner, licking the brush, rubbing it in the cake and creating the perfect winged eye. Damn, she could make a perfect wing. But, I digress. Not only did she inspire my love for black winged eyeliner, she also, by licking that brush, subliminally taught me that not all tools come in packages at the beauty shop. (Another post on tips and tricks to follow!) Here is my homage to my favorite black eyeliners. I haven’t gone a day without a cat eye since I was fifteen years old–well, except on those stay at home days. Here I am at 10:00 AM on a Sunday morning and yes, my liner is on. But enough jibber jabber… Here are the liners I can’t live without.

My Eyeliner Staple: Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Eyeliner Pen

I don’t remember when I started using this liner, but I do know that I have gone through about twenty of them–and that’s not because the liner dries out quickly as some reviewers say. It’s because it is amazing. It has an inky felt tip liner which is perfect for the novice or the expert. You can create a thin line with the tip or a thicker line by dragging the pen across the lid using the side of the tip. The best part about about it? The name does not lie! This liner STAYS ALL DAY! Even better, it is super easy to remove with regular drugstore eye makeup remover or wipes. I’ve tried the gray, which is a bit too light for me, the brown, which I didn’t like because I’m a black eyeliner girl and I would love to try a deep purple if they ever come out with one. (I’m partial to a very dark purple liner. It’s super easy to find at any Sephora,, and Stila’s own website. Seriously, it’s a must have for any black eyeliner loving’ girl and if you’re new to “liquid” liners and are afraid of the waterproof factor in the event of mistakes–don’t be! A Q-Tip with a drop of eye makeup remover will fix any mistakes you mazy make, and believe me, I’ve made plenty. There are just some mornings when you have a shaky hand or nothing is going right. At twenty dollars, some may think it’s a bit pricey for an eyeliner pen, but I’ve purchased drugstore brands which cost between nine and thirteen dollars and they can’t come close to the staying power and versatility of Stila’s Stay All Day Waterproof Eyeliner. Seriously–give it a try! If you don’t like it, you can always return it for something that works better for you!

My New Black Eyeliner Love: Benefit “They’re Real! Push Up Gel Eyeliner Pen”

I’m a big fan of Benefit cosmetics in general, so when they came out with the matching gel eyeliner for their “They’re Real!” mascara, I had to give it a try. I LOVE IT. After excitedly ripping opening the packaging, I was a bit confused. There was a little orange stopper in the tip of the pen and no eyeliner ready to swipe over my lid. I finally figured it out, removed the orange stopper and twisted the pen until I saw the gel liner start to rise from the slanted applicator tip. It was love at first sight. It took me a couple of tries to get the hang of it, but, oh my, the results! The easy glide of a gel liner in a pen, the choice to make a thick or thin line because of the slanted rubber applicator and you get to choose exactly how much liner you want to “push up.” I think that this feature makes it a good choice for beginners.  I just adore it. It’s like using a gel pot without he brush. It’s not waterproof, but lasts all day long. Removal can be a bit messy, but easy enough with again, any ol’ drugstore brand eye makeup remover. At $24.00, it is a splurge, but I was lucky enough to receive a few deluxe samples with some Sephora purchases. The reviews aren’t that great on, but I give it five stars. It’s a deep, dark, long lasting black gel liner in a pen which allows you to create the perfect cat or winged eye.

An aside, I also adore the matching “Push Up Mascara.” 

An Interesting Liquid Pen: Too Faced 3-Way Lash Lining Tool

At $22 dollars, again, it’s no bargain, but I don’t skimp on my black liner, so as soon as I saw this strange looking eyeliner pen in my local Sephora, I had to buy it. I’m so glad I did! It’s not waterproof and removes easily with, again, any ol’ eye makeup remover or plain soap and water. (I  never use soap and water on my eyes, but I’m sure a facial cleanser will take it off rather easily.) What attracted me to this pen was the strange three pronged tip. I was intrigued. After my first use, I was in love. The three pronged tip is designed to dig deep into the lash line giving you a line which doesn’t have to be reapplied those times that you just miss the lash line. You can youse the side to start a thin line and begin to rotate it to create a thicker line at the ends. As the description on sephora‘s website states, it is a “tool” to “create the perfect lash line” and the reviews are great.


Always on My Bathroom Shelf: MAC Fluidline Gel Eyeliner

At $16.00, MAC’s Fluidline Gel Eyeliner is a bargain. One pot lasts forever (don’t forget to put the cap back on or it will dry out) and because you must apply with an eyeliner brush, you control how much or how little and how thick or how thin you want your line. It comes in a ton of colors, but I’m writing about black eyeliner here, so I’ll stick to that. I’m not sure if I would recommend this for the beginner because it does require a brush, but hey, as I wrote earlier, my Mom used spit on a brush and a cake liner to create her perfect eye. Practice makes perfect! MAC also has a waterproof version MAC Chromaline Gel Liner for $20.00. (This will be purchased after I conclude and post!) I prefer to purchase my MAC products at department stores such as Nordstrom because their return policy lis so good. I’m not a huge MAC fan with the exception of this liner and their fabulous lipsticks, so it makes more sense for me to purchase what I know and like from MAC from department stores. (I’m not sure of MAC’s return policy…I’ll have to do some research…) If you want to see how much I really, really love this liner, take a peek at the photos below. How often do you finish an entire beauty product? Me? I have so many, it’s not too often, but I do have my favorites which you will be reading about soon.

So my fellow makeup lovers, thank you for reading my very first post on Love & Eyeliner. I would love your feedback and hit that “follow” button! And one final question…

What’s your favorite black (or for that matter any) eyeliner? 

I love trying new products and can’t wait for your feedback!


Love & Eyeliner,

Suzy Queue