It’s gotten to the point that my (still Godammned, please divorce me) husband and I have been separated for so long, that we’ve both gone and snatched ourselves a significant other.
I’m not so sure about how “Emily” feels about her new beau refusing to divorce me, but I do know that it drives my man bonkers. He wants to move on with me. That’s not a 100% reality until the divorce papers are signed.
I was upset when the ex started bringing Emily around. It started out as an emergency and then it became such a regularity that my daughter actually asked if she could spend some alone time with Daddy. I admit, I was super jealous. I wanted to know what she looked like, what she did, was she prettier than Mommy? Nicer than Mommy? Crazier than Mommy? Leave it to a six year old to assuage her Mommy’s fears. It turns out, that Emily is kind of boring. Kind of plain and kind of the opposite of Mommy. My girl told me that I would always be her Mom and no one else. That was the point that I looked at myself and my fears and laughed. How insecure was I to think someone else could replace me? Then I began to think how useful Emily could be. For instance: I hate playing Barbies. Emily, being super eager to please, will play Barbies for hours with my girl. No harm, no foul. Another instance: I’m not quite sure what Emily does for a living, but she always seems available. Free childcare!! What?! Excellent. So Emily, I don’t know you, never met you, but as long as you’re good to my girl, I’ll accept you.
My boyfriend is a bit of a different story. He works long, hard hours. He doesn’t want to overwhelm my girl. He’s only met her three times, but he came over on Christmas Eve day and we had the best time. He has a tremendous amount of energy and he’s great with kids having a gaggle of nieces and nephews. He can do things with my girl that I can’t. He can lift her up and spin her around. He can run around outside with her and he’s strong enough to help her smash rocks with a hammer in search of geodes. He doesn’t play Barbies, but he piques her intellectual interests. He has a great knowledge of botany, farming, animals–things a Brooklyn boy doesn’t usually interest himself in. I would never dream of using him for childcare, but I love that he’s scarce enough that my girl gets super excited when I tell her we’re going to hang out with him. It’s wonderful.
So, this Mama learned a great lesson. The best her Dad and I can do for our girl is to remain civil to one another and find mates that will be good to our one and only. I don’t know how long his relationship will last, and I still fear that he’s going to bring a string of women in and out of our daughter’s life, but that’s on him.
Now if only he would sign the Goddamned divorce papers!!!