On January 25, 2013, my husband of almost seven years went to court with an “emergency order to show cause” (law lingo, sorry..) effectively having me evicted from our residence and awarding him sole custody of our girl.
You can read about that here.
He never gave me a form reason for those actions, it has been a war with periods of intense battle and then (relief) ceasefire. I have a strong feeling it had to do with my emerging illness. (He never was quite the caretaker.) i have stronger feelings that it had to do with his addictions to sex with multiple partners, mental disorders and possibly the scandal. No matter what his reasons were for filing that emergency order, which was dismissed a couple of days later and actually led me to an old lover, the joys of pawning expensive jewelry and feeling like a wanderer for a few days, this guy still won’t commit to divorcing me.
Hello? Can you divorce me, please?
A few weeks ago during one of our ceasefires, I asked about his attorneys failure to respond to my settlement offer. He hemmed and hawed and then, something strange…
He started talking to me. Confiding.
He’s a serious and unmedicated ADD/Bi-Polar dude, so I never know which personality I am going to get on a regular basis. I’m not even sure which pole he was on this particular night when he told me that he feels, subconsciously, that his failure to proceed with our divorce in a timely fashion is because if he is still “married”, he doesn’t have to fully commit to another woman.
What? Come again? Mister, you can’t use our marriage as a little jail cell for your estranged wife!
He went on to tell me that he has been dating various women and they all want the same thing. (Get ready to feel like punching him in the face if you are a woman in your mid-late thirties.) He says “You know, I’ve been dating a lot and I’ve had a few short term relationships, but I’ve noticed that these women in their mid to late thirties all want the same thing. They want to get married, get knocked up and stroll around Ikea every Sunday. That’s not really what I’m looking for, so by remaining separated and not divorced, I can’t give them what they want.”
- You are a pussy.
- You have a crazy inflated sense of yourself.
- You don’t want to let me go.
- Do you still love me? Do you think you made a mistake?
I didn’t know how to respond. How does one respond to that? I can’t remember what I said, but it wasn’t angry and it wasn’t nice. Maybe I didn’t say anything at all? Was he lying? (He’s a liar.) Is it about money? (He’s going to have to pay me a shit ton of money once we settle this divorce.) Was he trying to make me feel comfortable with him so that I wouldn’t be on guard for one of his surprise attacks? That’s the problem with his diseases. I never know what is real and what is contrived and it’s exhausting.
I’m tired, man!
Since that bizarre conversation, I have asked him and my attorney ten or twenty times about finalizing the divorce. Nothing. I’m about to embark on my three year anniversary of being separated and things have changed! I have a boyfriend now, someone with whom I would like to share my life with and have another kid before a) my cancer comes back or b) my eggs dry up. My daughter is almost seven and if this had been done in a timely fashion, it wouldn’t confuse her so much. She thinks that Mommy and Daddy are still married but just live in different houses. I try to talk to her about marriage and divorce and Mommy and Daddy having boyfriends and girlfriends, but she refuses to commit to that idea because we’re still married. Poor girl.
Christmas is upon us and I remember the gorgeous gifts he used to shower me with. This Christmas I’m only wishing for one thing…
Sign the papers.
Make me an ex.
I’ve been a good girl. Really, I have.
Can I get a divorce, please?