My friend LL tells me I lead an “enchanted life.” I’ve been through a lot (haven’t we all?) and life keeps shooting it’s bullets at me, but somehow, I keep on dodging them. I don’t know if that’s exactly “enchanted,” but it sure is a beautiful way of expressing what I’ve been through.
This past year has been a series of enchantments, heartbreaks, and breakthroughs. I can’t write about a lot of the juicy stuff right now, but I promise…I will.
I like to say “I’m just a girl from brooklyn…” 2013 has taught me a hell of a lot more about myself. My husband of 7 years left me in January, just as I was diagnosed with cancer. Anger…Rage…Crying…For two months it wasn’t even a “day to day” type of life style for me–it was hour to hour.
The worst part about the divorce and the cancer was and still is the waiting. It’s been seven months, and technically I’m still married…waiting…waiting…waiting…
I was diagnosed that very same month (coincidence?) with a rare type of Lymphoma for my age and gender. Those are the three words you never want to hear when you are a 36 year old Mommy. “You have cancer.” The tests, the waiting, the results, the waiting, more tests, the waiting and finally another three words no one ever wants to hear– “You need chemo.”
I don’t know what happened to the anger, the rage, the crying. It slowly dissolved and in it’s place I have found the strength to battle an acrimonious divorce, cancer, and suddenly becoming a single Mom while never forgetting what matters most to me and where I get that incredible strength–my daughter. I can’t start writing about her now–I’ll go off on a tangent and lose myself in describing all of her innocence and beauty and healing powers.
I made a promise to myself when I first found out I had cancer. I WILL NOT BE A SICK PERSON. I will put on my cat eye and red lips to every chemo session, I will keep in touch with and still visit my friends, my family and I will have them visit me! I have learned to accept help when it’s offered, though I’m still working on asking for it when, truthfully, sometimes I could use it. I will window shop, I will grocery shop, I will laugh and I’ll have a glass of wine every once in a while on my tiny Brooklyn fire escape, looking out as the days turn into beautiful nights and I will cherish every last sip.
LL calls me “enchanted” and I don’t know if that’s exactly true, but I love her for that.