Oh God, No. He’s Gay?

I had it all planned out. I was chatting it up with this awesome and totally cute tattoo artist  on Instagram and it turns out he’s moving to Brooklyn this month. Whaaat? Can you say opportunist?? I had been following his work for some time and it was a perfect fit. I love girl tattoos–girly tattoos, but also tattoos of girls and he does both perfectly.

Like I wrote before, I had it all planned out. I was going to make an appointment with him here in Brooklyn, we would hit it off instantly. I would make another appointment with him (I like tattoos) and at that point he would say “Let’s just get to it, I like you and you like me–let’s go out.” And we would live happily ever after.

I tell my older sister who is the anchor to my cloud my amazing fantastical opportunity for everlasting love and she responds, in her usual deadpan way “I think he’s gay.”

What?

No?

Never?

How could it be?

After I had told her my plans for the future, she took a gander at his Instagram and noticed a couple of photos where a conversation took place between my dream tattoo artist and another artist we know and who he will be working with right here in Brooklyn. “Yeah, she said, I can’t remember exactly, but it was something about can’t expose name being the queen of tattooing and I noticed there were a few of those comments and in one of the photos, he even called himself a queen. You should read the conversations more and stop looking at the pictures.”

No.

I’m going to spend the next hour or so searching through his photos and looking for these supposed conversations, and I’ll still book an appointment or two with him because I just adore his work, but c’mon man…

It was the perfect match.

Sigh.

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