Despite the cruel winter that imposed itself on NYC, I found myself daydreaming every single time I pulled on my foul snow boots about Seagate, the tiny enclave that houses a private beach I have frequented for over twenty five years.
I love the beach. I love the hot sun on my body, digging my feet into the sand, taking a dip in the only clean waters you’ll find in Brooklyn. I love the smell of Coppertone and I even love the post beach shower, sand collecting around the drain and all.
I’ve never been shy about my bikinis. The less material, the better. Then again, I had a hot body. I was tanned, toned and tattooed. I got my fair share of stares, and of course, I loved every minute of it!
This upcoming summer, however, scares me. It’s not the predicted brutal heat–I mean, every summer in New York is brutally hot. It’s not that I’m worried about wrinkling up like a raisin from all of my over sun exposure or the threat of skin cancer that every single beauty magazine devotes it’s May and June issues to. It’s something else.
I. Am. So. Skinny.
I’m not using the word “thin” here. I am using skinny because that’s what I’ve become. My cancer caused me to lose five pounds from my 98 pound frame thus making my body the equivalent of a seventh grader. I’m trying really hard to gain back those five pounds, and hopefully an extra five for my ass, but it’s hopeless. I ate four slices of pizza the other night followed by a slice of Brown Betty Apple Cake with homemade whipped cream and the next morning, the scale read the dreaded number: 93.5.
I purchased two new bikinis at J.Crew (in my bikini experience, they have the best bathing suits) in size XS. The tops fit great! They even gave me lift and cleavage, but despite the XS stamped on the tag of the bottoms, I pulled them on and was dejected to realize, they were a tiny bit loose in the ass. No problem, unless I jump into the water and emerge with saggy bikini bottoms. Not sexy. No.
So, I’m working. I can’t work out due to doctor’s orders, but I’m eating and eating and trying to fill out this non existent, bony ass to fill in an extra small bikini bottom.
It’s funny, people are super sensitive about being overweight. I can’t stand being underweight.
Does anyone know where I can find some ironized yeast?