“This Is Why I’m Crying…”

It’s an inside joke among my tight circle of Brooklyn friends and myself dating back about 23 years. We were causing raucous inside of a Bodega located inFlatbush proper when one or two of my friends started jawing with the owner trying to get a deal on some Sour Power candy. (This is how I spent many a Brooklyn afternoon. No libraries for us.) Of course, marijuana was involved, we all found it hysterical and after driving the owner bat shit crazy for about fifteen minutes, he covered his face with his hands and in his Middle Eastern accent whimpered “This is why I’m crying!!!”

Eat at your own risk! Make sure to brush and see a dentist as soon as possible after sucking, chewing and ingesting this tart and super sugary treat. (Sounds so dirty, but that's how you eat 'em!)

Eat at your own risk! Make sure to brush and see a dentist as soon as possible after sucking, chewing and ingesting this tart and super sugary treat. (Sounds so dirty, but that’s how you eat ’em!)

 

Two decades later, whenever something less than catastrophic happens to one of us, a “This is why I’m crying!” escapes our lips. We still laugh and laugh. Today I am crying, because as a a sun worshipper, a beach baby, a Coppertone Queen, I have been banned from the beach due to high fevers and left with nothing but Coney Island dreaming’ and a bottle of (Oh God, I hate to say this…) a b-b-b-bottle of Neutrogena Build A Tan. It smells pretty bad, stained my hands, but, I have to admit– it works. I have a lovely, smelly, fake tan. I can wear shorts and a tank top without feeling my pasty self-consciousness. (I’ve always wanted to review beauty products, so I consider this my first one. If you can get past the smell and are super careful with application, it really does give a realistic looking sun kissed glow.)

This is why I'm crying...

This is why I’m crying…

I love summer clothes and I love a deep golden tan and to me, you can not have one without the other. I’ve been to the beach a handful of times since June, but nothing significant enough to give me that lovely glow I start dreaming about each March.

I'll take the striped bum, please.

I’ll take the striped bum, please.

 

But… My health and comfort comes first. My poor girl, stuck in the house with her sick Mommy. 101 fever, nausea, headache.

I guess we’ll go the the ceramics workshop in a little while to get her out of the house. Maybe I’ll paint a Palm Tree. (Note: There are no Palm Trees in Brooklyn. It’s my sad attempt at symbolism.)

I want this...

I want this…

 

But I have to settle for this.

But I have to settle for this.

This is why I’m crying!!!

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One thought on ““This Is Why I’m Crying…”

  1. Well, now that everyone knows I’m a lesbian, Is’pose I don’t hafta worry about being seen with a fake tan. I’m off down the shops to get me some.

Thoughts??

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