Due to social media being the new “keeping up with the Jonses”, I’ve noticed a few new parenting tends that annoy the shit out of me. I will NOT keep up with you Jonses no matter how many happy photographs you post on Facebook and Instagram. I’ll raise my child as I want to and will partake in events that I want to–not because everybody else is doing them.
Annoying Parenting Trend #1: posting Photos with Signs for Everything!
It’s my first day of school! (Forced 6 year old smoke holding a sign stating “it’s my first day of school.” Hey! It’s everybody’s first day of school. I think the parents should be holding up signs which scream “Thank You, Holy Jesus! It’s their first day of school!!”
Annoying Parent Trend #2: Pumpkin/Apple Picking
When in the hell did everybody become so obsessed with apples and pumpkins? “We’re going Pumpkin picking, Kids! Here, no, wait, here, no, here, yes here is a great little patch of pumpkins for you to sit in. Now smile. I know it’s hot and crowded. Smile! I have to get a good one!” Ten million pumpkin picking photos on my newsfeed and Instagram. You know where I went pumpkin picking as a kid? The supermarket. And the apples… Oh the apples. What on Earth are you going to do with all those damn apples? But who cares? Right? It’s a great photo op. You know what my fall tradition has been with my daughter since she could walk? A trip to Greenwood Cemetery on Columbus Day. That’s what I think is fun. Walking among the 200 year old graves, sitting quietly by the fountain. Yes, I’ve taken photos, but I never posted them. It might offend people. “She should be bringing her daughter to a pumpkin patch or a nice orchard, not some creepy ol’ cemetery.” Do you know I once saw a photo of a friend’s child crying in a pumpkin farm because the only pumpkins left were rotted? It was a pumpkin cemetery. But, she got the pic!
Annoying Parenting Trend # 3: Lessons, lessons, lessons…
I am not against extra curricular activities. I’m not against sports or chess or ballet or any of that. What I can’t deal with is the excessive lessons. “On Monday Mindy has gymnastics, Tuesdays are fantasy dance, Wednesdays are soccer and on Saturday morning we bring her to the new indoor ice skating rink.” I’m exhausted just thinking about all if that physical activity. How about one lesson at a time? See what your kid likes? My daughter wants to ice skate. I’ll bring her for two trial lessons before I commit to the cost of skates, pads, and the tuition. Whatever happened to just bringing your kid to the zoo? Letting the kid run around on a playground or in a nice grassy field?
Annoying Parenting Trend #4: The Photo Christmas Card
This tradition has been around for so long, I don’t think it’s a trend anymore. It’s the norm. It’s not that I don’t like seeing photos of your kids during the holidays, but with the explosion of social media since the photo holiday card began, I see your kid every. single. day. Now I have to make them an addition to my holiday decor? Do you know how guilty it makes me feel to toss photos of your precious children into the garbage can every January? I save the cards from my nieces and nephews, but if I haven’t spoken to you face to face in more than a year, your kids are getting tossed. How about a nice Hallmark greeting instead? I still send Hallmark greetings because you’re just as sick of seeing photos of my kid as I am of yours.
I’m a good mom with a smart, well-adjusted kid despite the fact that she’s lived with my cancer and her parent’s acrimonious divorce for the past three years. She gets birthday parties, she has play dates, she loves My Little Pony and gets good grades. I will raise her the way I want to raise her and will not put her every movement on virtual display, nor will I judge you for participating in these annoying trends, as long it’s because you feel they are best for your child and not because everybody else is doing it– I should too!!
Annoying parent trends must die. They’re turning our kids into little cookie cutters for the sake of a Facebook or Instagram post. And it pisses me off.
Do any other parents/non-parents feel this way? Do you disagree with me? Are there any other parent trends I might have forgotten? Speak to me!!