Too Tired to Blog

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I have three drafts calling my name and a guest blog I still need to finish for LittleMissLola , but I’m too tired to blog. I can’t keep my thoughts in one place. After my insane daily schedule last week (think four doctor appointments in two days,) single Mommying for five days in row and running around Brooklyn all day today, sixty pounds of laundry–I own so much clothing, I can go weeks without doing a wash, it’s a sin, really. Can you imagine my shoes and makeup collection? With all of the starving children in the world, I should be absolutely ashamed. I’m going to hell. But, I digress, I am just too tired to blog.

Please forgive me.

I think I’m going to watch “True Romance” and drift off to sleep. I’ll be back tomorrow, refreshed and revived and ready to complete “The Departed: Part II (Kurt loves Courtney)” a fantastic update on my cancer and maybe a post about how being a single Mom can drain the shit out of you. But for now, I rest.

“The nicest thing for me is sleep. Then at least I can dream.” –Marilyn Monroe

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Christopher Moltisanti

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I’ll always have a soft spot for Christopher Moltisanti. Yes, he was a murdering, thieving, heroin addicted woman beater, but for some reason, I forgive him.

There’s something about Chrissie that is so attractive, it’s difficult for me to explain. It was like he was born into the wrong life, meant to be somebody else and struggling with the fact that he couldn’t exit the life he had entered to pursue the one he dreamt of. The one we all dream of as bloggers.

To be a writer.

I identify with Chris. I’ve struggled with addiction. I lost a love of my life.  My Dad died when I was young and didn’t have much life guidance. I entered a life where I found myself, much like Chris’ death, suffocated.  I think my own suffocation led me into what turned into the scandal, and though I’m suffering from the consequences of the scandal right now, they are still fairly new and they too shall pass. The consequences of Chris’ actions haunted him. Filled him with hatred and anger. He lost the love of his life because of a foolish loyalty to the man who ultimately killed him and he took that love and that guilt to his grave.

The loyalty?

He left behind.

I know that I’m attracted to men with a air of danger, but I don’t think Chris was a dangerous man. He was never encouraged to follow his dreams. And he tried. He tried all by himself to branch out and pursue what he felt in his heart with a small degree of success. Chris Moltisanti never had a chance to pursue what what in his broken heart and soul. And because of that, I don’t just feel sorry for him; I love him.

The end.